In August 2012 I gave birth for the second time. I had 9 months to prepare for this moment and a bit of mummy experience having had O in 2007. I had spent the past 4 years learning how to spread myself more thinly so I was there for my young son. Now suddenly I had been through the terror of labour again, survived and the initial elation fading.
The day we were discharged home from the post natal ward I can remember standing in the kitchen having put the bottle steriliser on. 2 day old H was bundled in my arms, I was waddling thanks to the stitches and O was asking me for a drink and I thought to myself 'this is it, I now have 2 of these little people depending on me' how on earth was I going to split myself in half? What if I couldn't be there for O the same as I had been now that I had H attached to me either crying or feeding or winding or changing. That moment in the kitchen stayed with me, it was a turning point that I had realised I have two children and I've no idea how I will cope with this.
Mr T had his parental leave which passed in a haze of feeding, sleepless nights, appointments with the health visitor, walks out and visitors to the house. During that time we had man to man marking for the boys and the feeling of 'how on earth' that I had the day we came home had disappeared.
When Mr T went back to work I established our new routine, getting the boys up, feeding H and preparing O for his reception year at school. I was coping I was doing what needed to be done and I think O was adapting to mummy having slightly less time for him and a noisy baby in the house
I had got used to the lack of 'me time' after I had O so that wasn't an issue. I struggled with making sure my boys got enough individual attention oh and that the practical situations were dealt with. I think O matured a lot in the first few months of H's life he had to do a lot more for himself. I can remember one evening I was bathing O while stood in the middle of the bathroom feeding H his bottle. H could not wait until I had finished bathing O and O was already in the bath so I fed and bathed simultaneously. The first of many such tasks in the past 3.5 years.
Fast forward to 2016 and we are in a good daily routine. The boys are always changing and require different levels of my attention at different times of the day but as H gets older and the preschool years are well underway I find that I am coping better and worrying less about who is getting enough 'mummy time'. I am remembering to 'go with the flow' wherever that flow may take us.