February, why I'm glad to close the door on you.

Thank goodness that's over. February 2017 can go down as a rubbish month. February was the monthwe lost my Grandmother. My last surviving Grandparent. Her passing feels like the end of a very long chapter in my life.

When I was a child my Grandmother was my rock. Always there listening, providing stern but fair advice as well as the best reassuring cuddles and unwavering, unconditional love.

She hadn't been 'there' for many years now, as alzheimers robbed her of her personality and her strength. Looking back she was always a little quirky, hiding rolls of bank notes in cornflake boxes in case someone broke into her flat, stockpiling toilet roll, keeping a stuffed pheasant in her airing cupboard - I had no idea what that was about - it scared the life out of me as a child. Someone must have given it to her. She never got rid of anything anyone gave her, she kept all the cards we made for her as children, random keepsakes displayed on her rocky old display cabinet all polished to within and inch of their lives. Grandma was very house proud, cushions smoothed down, sink scrubbed, everything in it's place and always, always make your bed. She took pride in her appearance, the same rose shade of lipstick liberally applied, fresh pair of tights, tightly permed hair and gold studded earrings. Oh and the smell of Coty L'aiment fragranced talc. She loved that stuff.

Now she's gone and I'm sad. I feel dreadfully lost now that her life has come to end but I'm relived she didn't feel any pain and is in a better place - all the usual clich├ęs people have said to me.   I'm sure she's somewhere with my dad, looking after him, ensuring he always has a clean hanky up his sleeve and a hot meal on the table. That's my security, that's my way of dealing with it, believing those we love who we have lost are reunited together again somewhere.

So as far as February goes that's pretty much it, this short month almost all consumed by dealing with the loss of my Grandmother. Saying that, I know she sent an opportunity may way that I am grabbing with both hands and making her proud. I'll always make the best of myself and perhaps on occasion wear that hideous shade of rose lipstick in ode to her.

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